Friday, August 30, 2013

Uneventful

...that pretty much sums up my life right now. Natalie and I hang out during the day and usually find one errand/outing to keep things interesting, but other than that we sit and play at home. (Does anyone else feel like they get less housework done the more time you spend at home? That's definitely how it is for me, which means that lately our apartment is always just shy of being completely tidy.)

Yesterday I was feeling kind of pathetic because Austin has class until 8:30 on T/R nights, meaning we don't see him alllll day, and I felt like I was running out of things to do with Natsby. I was feeling sorry for my pregnant self and whining that if I could just have my body back I'd have so many more options/energy to do things. I felt like I was doing dishes for the fifth time that day and the kitchen was STILL a mess, and I had long since given up on cleaning up the living room since Natalie just takes pride in messing it up again. I was bemoaning the new one hour nap (ONLY ONE HOUR IN THE WHOLE DAY, AHHH I'M USED TO FOUR!!!) and just feeling sort of depressed. I know that a lot of it was just hormonal - thanks pregnancy - but I still couldn't shake this general negativity that had sort of settled in.

This morning I was determined to have a better attitude but I could still feel these tendrils of discouragement threatening to take over, and then I came across this verse as I read my scriptures: I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy. (Alma 29:9). These words vibrated to the bone! Right now my "commandment" is to raise a family and my "glory" is in that commandment; it's not about me at this point in my life. Heavenly Father wants to help me be "an instrument" in His hands to teach my children the Gospel and do the best I can in "glorying" in them, "and this is my JOY", ding ding ding! This is the key to being happy - doing what the Lord wants me to do and knowing that He is proud of me and helping me along in the monotony, frustration, and issues of those harder days. I felt so relieved and refreshed after reading and thinking about that verse, and it's really helped me pick up my attitude and regain more of my joy.

I hesitated to even write about this because I didn't want people to think that I don't love Natalie as much or I am really struggling (neither of which is true), but I think it's important to acknowledge that motherhood is not always easy and there are days when you are completely grateful it's bed time. I think part of my negative feelings were caused by guilt because I felt like a bad mom for not being joyful and carefree every second of every day. I said to myself, "Self, everyone feels like this at one time or another and you are being the best mom you can right now," then felt better and could move forward.

I mean, look at this pretty girl...it's impossible not to feel joy when I think about how wonderful she is:


 BUBBLES! If she sees the bubble container she FREAKS out and makes me blow bubbles for the next half hour. She loves when I blow slowly and make a big bubble that stays on the wand so she can give it a really satisfactory *pop*!

We went to the splash pad again...we're bummed it's closed after this weekend.


 I love her chunky legs and sandals, haha : ) 


 It's been SCORCHING outside so we've sort of been hibernating but Natalie loves exploring the patio anyway.




 And, of course, getting some quality play-time in:

dumping out the blocks, her fav



...she stayed like this for a while one morning haha
Here's to having JOY and GLORY in being a mom!

3 comments:

  1. girl, you are not alone. sometimes its way hard AND you're like growing another human right now! there's no energy for dishes (ever in my house it seems) let alone if i was pregnant. you are doing great, whenever i'm around you i always thing "jessie is so fun loving, an easy going mom, and totally in love with being a mom to natalie, i want to be like her" i kid you not, i have thought that many a times when i see you guys in church :)

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  2. Wow, Jessie, that is the second time this week that scripture has been brought to my attention. Thank you for sharing your experience with it. It helps me to see you lead out and be such a boss! Pres. Hinckley once said that each of us is a pioneer in his or her own life. You are blazing a fantastic trail for yourself and your family. Hugs to you!

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  3. Entertaining a one yr old all.day.long is TOUGH. Especially when they're not napping like they should be, AND when it's been a million degrees outside, AND when you're 8 months pregnant! You have been taught well to dig deep and come up with solutions to your problems--way to go! Hang in there and, if you're ever super desperate, throw Natalie into the car and come and visit us!!

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