Tuesday, November 17, 2015

10:29 AM

It's 10:29 AM as I write this.

I'm hiding on the floor next to the couch by the door with a pile of poopy diapers in the corner.

I can't do this in another room because the kids will know I'm up to something and come find me.

I can't do it on the couch because it's too obvious.

So they are watching Frozen while I chug hot chocolate and try not to smell the diapers that I still need to take out (but haven't yet because when I open the door the kids will want to play outside but it's raining so then they'll be mad when I shut it without letting them go) and take a moment to complain about my day.

I try to have a good attitude - I think we all should and do, most of the time - but today, if I'm being honest and truthful, is LAME.

The kids slept terribly last night. Austin and I didn't get much sleep. Jack wanted to eat so often that I felt like I didn't have any more milk but he won't take a bottle. He refused to take his morning nap. All three children pooped within ten minutes, in different rooms, so my whole house smells.

I feel impatient and lackluster. I have to catch myself before I snap at Natalie for some insignificant little thing. I had to force myself to get up and find breakfast for Stockton.

I had a dissatisfying call with our trash company. I tried to have some play time with the kids but Jack was being wriggly and then the ensuing mess made me feel more frustrated. Then I felt frustrated that I was frustrated and it continued in a vicious cycle.

So, I finally got Jack to sleep, put a movie on, dumped the kids on the couch with fruit snacks, and found this little corner of sanity for myself for a few minutes.

I made hot chocolate and had a bowl of cereal because I didn't have the energy to find a healthy breakfast.

I ended up pouring cereal into my hot chocolate powder and having to start all over.



My family is busy and the kids have little coughs so I don't want to infect my friends so here I am, "alone" and feeling rather piteous and doomed and pathetic.

BUT. It's 10:38 and now that my feelings are written down and out of my emotional file folder I feel better. My hot chocolate is gone, along with most of my frustration.

Natalie asked if my whipped cream
was a wet wipe....

So even though Austin can't come home for lunch today and I don't have a break in sight and Stockton just pooped again and Jack is stirring after just a weenie little nap, I feel better. My children are darling and I love them very much. My house is in relatively good condition, I read scriptures this morning, and we are watched over and blessed. I got a shower and I'm wearing jeans, so today can't be too bad : )



2 comments:

  1. I FEEL YOU GIRL! I'm quite certain I have a very identical post like this in my drafts folder that I never got to publish that I wrote just last week. I vividly remember Max screaming at the door "mommy! mommy!" wanting in and all I wanted was a break!!!!! Motherhood is truly the greatest thing my holy freaking gosh, it's the most tiring thing ever. I wanted to amen all your statements, the poopy diapers, smelly house, frustrated with a mess, trying to play with the kids and getting frustrated (for me it's because Max hurts the babies), I can't identify with the nursing part, but girl I feel ya. You are seriously the smartest ever to write it down. It really does make it feel better if you just write about it. I totally understand the scriptures more when the Lord doesn't relieve your burden but strengthens you. Ha, one time, I was a crying mess sick of being the mom with no break one day, and I prayed and prayed for strength, then Max threw up in the other room and I HAD to clean it up, that was the strength the Lord gave me, a bigger mess that I had to be dealt with, isn't that strange? I don't know why this is some big comment and I'm rambling on but I feel like I'm sitting next to you telling you my problems too, misery loves company, right?

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  2. Oohhhh those days are SOOOOO tough!!! (I get nervous butterflies in my stomach just remembering some of mine!!!) Good for you for recognizing that it was just a crappy day (or "Jonas day" as Anne of Green Gables would say...or was it Laura Ingals Wilder?? It's late and I can't remember). I hope it got better (and that Jack slept better!!)

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