Tuesday, November 17, 2015

10:29 AM

It's 10:29 AM as I write this.

I'm hiding on the floor next to the couch by the door with a pile of poopy diapers in the corner.

I can't do this in another room because the kids will know I'm up to something and come find me.

I can't do it on the couch because it's too obvious.

So they are watching Frozen while I chug hot chocolate and try not to smell the diapers that I still need to take out (but haven't yet because when I open the door the kids will want to play outside but it's raining so then they'll be mad when I shut it without letting them go) and take a moment to complain about my day.

I try to have a good attitude - I think we all should and do, most of the time - but today, if I'm being honest and truthful, is LAME.

The kids slept terribly last night. Austin and I didn't get much sleep. Jack wanted to eat so often that I felt like I didn't have any more milk but he won't take a bottle. He refused to take his morning nap. All three children pooped within ten minutes, in different rooms, so my whole house smells.

I feel impatient and lackluster. I have to catch myself before I snap at Natalie for some insignificant little thing. I had to force myself to get up and find breakfast for Stockton.

I had a dissatisfying call with our trash company. I tried to have some play time with the kids but Jack was being wriggly and then the ensuing mess made me feel more frustrated. Then I felt frustrated that I was frustrated and it continued in a vicious cycle.

So, I finally got Jack to sleep, put a movie on, dumped the kids on the couch with fruit snacks, and found this little corner of sanity for myself for a few minutes.

I made hot chocolate and had a bowl of cereal because I didn't have the energy to find a healthy breakfast.

I ended up pouring cereal into my hot chocolate powder and having to start all over.

My family is busy and the kids have little coughs so I don't want to infect my friends so here I am, "alone" and feeling rather piteous and doomed and pathetic.

BUT. It's 10:38 and now that my feelings are written down and out of my emotional file folder I feel better. My hot chocolate is gone, along with most of my frustration.

Natalie asked if my whipped cream
was a wet wipe....

So even though Austin can't come home for lunch today and I don't have a break in sight and Stockton just pooped again and Jack is stirring after just a weenie little nap, I feel better. My children are darling and I love them very much. My house is in relatively good condition, I read scriptures this morning, and we are watched over and blessed. I got a shower and I'm wearing jeans, so today can't be too bad : )


  1. I FEEL YOU GIRL! I'm quite certain I have a very identical post like this in my drafts folder that I never got to publish that I wrote just last week. I vividly remember Max screaming at the door "mommy! mommy!" wanting in and all I wanted was a break!!!!! Motherhood is truly the greatest thing my holy freaking gosh, it's the most tiring thing ever. I wanted to amen all your statements, the poopy diapers, smelly house, frustrated with a mess, trying to play with the kids and getting frustrated (for me it's because Max hurts the babies), I can't identify with the nursing part, but girl I feel ya. You are seriously the smartest ever to write it down. It really does make it feel better if you just write about it. I totally understand the scriptures more when the Lord doesn't relieve your burden but strengthens you. Ha, one time, I was a crying mess sick of being the mom with no break one day, and I prayed and prayed for strength, then Max threw up in the other room and I HAD to clean it up, that was the strength the Lord gave me, a bigger mess that I had to be dealt with, isn't that strange? I don't know why this is some big comment and I'm rambling on but I feel like I'm sitting next to you telling you my problems too, misery loves company, right?

  2. Oohhhh those days are SOOOOO tough!!! (I get nervous butterflies in my stomach just remembering some of mine!!!) Good for you for recognizing that it was just a crappy day (or "Jonas day" as Anne of Green Gables would say...or was it Laura Ingals Wilder?? It's late and I can't remember). I hope it got better (and that Jack slept better!!)