Wednesday, December 30, 2015

On Being a Mom, today, at least

Whew, it was a morning. Long story short, I had to take all the kids to Stockton's speech appointment and it did not go well (Natalie threw the first legitimate unreasonable totally out of control screaming crying tantrum she's thrown in about bad timing) and by the time I got home and got the kids somewhat settled, I needed to go hide for a while, so I crouched in the stairwell with a bowl of froot loops and no one found me for at least a couple minutes. Even those few minutes were restorative though because it allowed me to read a conference talk and take a deep breath and listen to my children playing nicely and be able to muster up the courage and strength to dive back into my day.


Sometimes this simple fact is just so unbelievable to me. Three kids? All mine? All within three years? All beautiful and healthy and different and wonderful? I am SO blessed and I love them SO much but I still feel like I'm just playing house sometimes. Does that ever go away? I think it will once more of my good, long-term friends are married/have children, but right now, at least in my high school/college friend pool, I'm the lone wolf as far as having children goes. It is a bit isolating, to be honest. Sometimes I wonder what I would be doing if I didn't have kids, and as I compare my current life to what some of my other friends are doing (professional job, more school, travel, etc) I sometimes feel insecure or inadequate. But I just have to own it and be unapologetic and proudly defend (against my inner doubts or insecurities) my motherly calling, because there is absolutely nothing I would rather be doing than raising these three precious people.

 I mean, LOOK at these boys. My sons! So happy and buoyant and loving and beloved.

I can do this. We can do this, whatever we are doing at this point in our lives. It is worth it and important and challenging and rewarding. The grass is greenest RIGHT HERE, where we are.

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